Spiders, Speaking and Fear

Do you ever find yourself missing out because fear caught you out?

Let me share my small anedote about a little spider, my daughter and the desire to make jam.

On Sunday, my neighbour gave us a pack of fruit. I don’t know what it’s called, but it looks a bit like an apricot and has bitter skin like a plum. It is yellow-orange and has three pips. Stella and I didn’t know what to do with it, so we Googled and decided to make jam. Sundays are always our days to do things together. We were at the sink chatting while I peeled the fruit, and Stella removed the pips. Suddenly, a spider jumped out of the fruit I was about to cut. I screamed and jumped out of my skin. Stella screamed too. Our small Jack Russell dog rushed over, barking loudly, while the two big shepherd dogs ran to their beds. Stella fussed over the spider, screaming as the poor little creature, dazed and confused, struggled in the wet sink. I scooped it up with a teaspoon and popped it out of the window.

We continued making jam, but somehow the joy wasn’t there. I was on edge and still felt an adrenaline rush. Even though I’m not afraid of spiders, I felt all the symptoms of shock. Stella kept replaying the spider incident, worrying about finding another one, and obsessing over what it might be doing in the back garden.

That led me to think about fear:

1. Fears of speaking up, public speaking, and spiders are well, irrational. If you are afraid of something, it does not mean you are not experiencing real fear. But... are you really in grave danger?

2. Fear makes us enjoy things a lot less. If you are fearful, you can’t enjoy the experience, which means you can’t engage fully.

3. Fear can be significantly reduced by facing it and desensitising ourselves. If it’s a spider, see it and learn about it. Next time, pop it outside with a piece of paper rather than giving in to fear. If it’s public speaking, start by listening to yourself reading aloud. Join a small group to practice. Take lessons or practice recording yourself.

At the end of the day, we need to address the things in life that make us fearful, especially if our fear is of speaking. Why? Because if we don’t live to our fullest potential, we are settling for a lesser life.

I've included the video of my Going Live Challenge day 3 in which I tell the story. It's not a big challenge and some people do live content every day - but going live isn't comfortable for me! I'm not in my comfortzone speaking to camera. I like to edit and fix and do retakes as well as plan my content in advance. Do I like the challenge? No I don't! I prefer not being on camera! I prefer not pushing myself. But is it working on making me build strength in speaking up and showing up? Yes! And that's how I force myself to grow.

Please think of challenges you can do to improve your speaking ability.